I need some advice friends! How do I get my husband on board with all the fantasies I have of becoming a part of the lifestyle? We have almost been married a year, but have been together for about 4 years. He's told me he is concerned one of us could develop unwanted feelings for someone we play with, and that may potentially damage our relationship. I understand where he's coming from, but at the same time I feel we have built enough trust and love each other so much that it would never be a problem. I would never want him to be uncomfortable or do anything he's not ready for, but I'm DYING to have an experience at least once! Where do I go from here?!

I need some advice friends! How do I get my husband on board with all the fantasies I have of becoming a part of the lifestyle? We have almost been married a year, but have been together for about 4 years. He's told me he is concerned one of us could develop unwanted feelings for someone we play with, and that may potentially damage our relationship. I understand where he's coming from, but at the same time I feel we have built enough trust and love each other so much that it would never be a problem. I would never want him to be uncomfortable or do anything he's not ready for, but I'm DYING to have an experience at least once! Where do I go from here?!

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Me(male) I was the same way at first,maybe starting slow,like possibly not swapping but being in room with another couple while having sex with own partner
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hidden - login Idaho - Couple With Bi Female

The biggest key in the lifestyle is communication. Make sure you are both on the same page about everything. Also, feel free to talk to any couple you might play with so that you are both comfortable with everything.....and dont be afraid to ask questions
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We are in a similar/same boat. I(Mr.) and more excited and willing to jump in. She(Mrs.) is more hesitant and reluctant. Our hesitations are more to do with our own bodies but, the concern of someone else developing feelings is still there. But, from talking to people on here on off here, taking it slow is usually best it seems. Slowly dipping your toes into the water seems to be the best way to go about it. We are looking for a event to go to just to watch and see what it is all about. Also we are looking for a couple to watch play and watch us play to ease in. But I to understand your desire to jump in I feel it too.
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Go slow, he is not ready for the life style yet
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One thing that has really help with getting more use to it all is talking about fantasies while having sex. Her and I really get into it when to other is saying what they are fantasizing about while me make love. Over time it has become more and more specific and really helped us become more comfortable with it all.
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Your hus snds insecure about the situation nd until everyone is in sinc nd becoming a part if this Ls. U shld not go forward .. It will most likely do more harm then good. K n L.
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Orchestrate some stringent guidelines and let him watch you live out a fantasy! He will totally be on board after that!
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Soft Swing to start, this gives him more experience in a couple interaction and can desensitize him to the new surroundings, good luck, Teri
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Until he is ready my dear don't do it unless you are ready to sacrifice the relationship. Good Luck JM
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That could happen.....but that is why you set rules. That is also why we do not do social things, like spending the weekend with them doing normal things....like camping or shopping. It is simply a physical thing for us.
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well u just need to let him known that he is the one u want to be with fore ever not someone u two maybe playing with. There has to be trust on both sides and u could point out that it could be fun for him as well by being able to do another women and to have a male join u both as its would be a really turn on for u and maybe him too, plus if ur into women he gets to watch and join in with u and another women see if that would turn him on then give him the choose of witch one he would like to try , plus tell him he has to have a say in the play mates ahead of time before there is any kind of play
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I (husband) would suggest more communication on the subject so the other doesn't feel forced into something that might make him uncomfortable. When we finally decided to go further into the lifestyle we decided to go slow and just have same room fun with another couple in the room. We never touch the other couple but just each other. When we decided to try a swap we had made some rules that we both agreed on. Once we meet with the other couple we discussed our rules and there rules and we agreed. So just take it slow and keep the commutation open about the subject. Good luck
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If he is not ready you will need to wait and just keep them a fantasy. Maybe communicating to him that this is what you dream about will allow him to become more open; but you cannot act upon those desires until he is ready or you may end up harming your relationship.
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If he's not comfy with it don't push the issue. Your relationship is far more important than anything else. Keep discussing it with him in moderation and in time he might come around. Push it to hard and he might start to feel like he's not enough for you. Maybe find a woman to join you in a threesome before involving a couple. Hopefully he comes around because the lifestyle is a whole lot of fun.
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this lifestyle can be the death knell to a relationship especially if one of the parties involved is uncertain about it.....In my opinion ....You had better wait until he is sure about it
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We can so understand this problem. The only thing that we can say is take it slowly. He may have some underlying jealousies and that is OK. He is not ready yet and he may never be ready. The only thing that you can do is talk it out with him and let him know what you are thinking and why. After some deep thoughted discussions and he still does not want to let go of his beliefs and concerns then let it go. Keep your fantasies yours. Do not under any circumstances let your fantasies come between the two of you. Swinging is not for everyone, you have to be comfortable with yourself and your spouse before you do something like this. Good luck to you and we hope it works out for the both of you.
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Ask him to take baby steps and just go out and meet who you will like and just talk.
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let him know you understand but you love him and not going to be that easily pulled away and meet with couples and where he can get to know who they are before go futher. and maybe just threes some to start or just watching and ha are in ithatples tving him ask other cou
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hidden - login Colorado - Couple With Bi Female

She is the one that first had the fantasies about being with another woman which got me excited and wanting to make it more than a fantasy. She wasn't really willing to go beyond the fantasy realm and I didn't push it. We discussed and researched different things about swinging for probably about a year and a half when she finally said she wanted to try it, but it had to be her decision and not me forcing her into it. We have both agreed that if either of us is uncomfortable with something that we don't do it. When we did start though, she surprisingly took to it much quicker than I did.
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hidden - login Alberta - Couple With Bi Male

Reading a lot of the responses here about taking it slow and communicating are dead on... but lets talk about seeing if he wants to at all. Penthouse Letters started it for us. Get it regularly and read it to each other. Zero in on his greatest fantasies and see what REALLY gets his motor running. Then talk about it, even just planting seeds at first, dropping subtle hints that something 'sounds hot', to dirty talking through a scenario while making love, then dropping hints that you'd like to satisfy his ultimate fantasy. Then you will eventually have to have 'the talk'. If he is still on the negative side, keep up with the letters and planting seeds, but realize that it might only ever be a fantasy.
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My hubby and I are new here. Have not met with anyone yet. But we have talked about that very issue. Communication, communication, communication. My hubby is my best friend.
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Don't play alone. If you always play together in the same room you lower your chances of unwanted feelings to happen. Also, don't play with couples who seem to have a rocky relationship. You can usually tell when someone has a solid relationship or not. They might say one thing but their actions and body language will always tell the truth. Lastly don't be texting with someone of the opposite sex unless your spouse is involved with the conversation and can see everything that is being said. If someone initiates you meeting them alone after you have already established the boundary that you don't do that end your communication with them right away. This lifestyle is awesome when sharing it with your spouse. Look for couples that share your same interests and point of view in all this. Whenever my wife or I text with someone else we always share the conversation with each other. Not because we are insecure, but because we respect each other and we are in this to experience it together.
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hidden - login Michigan - Couple With Bi Female

With us its only pleasure and fun. Find a couple that values each other but will play. Ull find it is nothing but what it is. Feelings beyond like shouldnt be an issue then. Lol its just sex....
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You could start with a soft swing and let it progress from there.
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What I would do in your position is go to a club. You dont have to do anything just meet people and chat. They often have meet and greets allover and that may be how to get him on board. Just talk to people and let him see how much fun it is. Also you have to have trust in each other.
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Sounds like he is somewhat insecure or possibly jealous. No matter what anyone says in here, insecurity or jealousy can ruin a marriage. As brought out in a lot of the answers, take it slow, Make sure he knows he is everything to you! The idea of reading letters back and forth to each other from penthouse or any of the other forums like that could serve to help get him revved up, but make sure the underlying insecurity or jealousy is vanquished before anything happens. As previously stated DO NOT make any part of your fantasy come true before you are both totally on board. Something that may also help out is watching HBO Sexy movies or even getting some PORN and watching it together. Let him pick what he wants to watch or his fantasy's. Again make sure he know you love only him, and that no matter how good sex is with anyone or how big or small whatever the other person is it is him that you care for and go home with. Good luck and as also stated Swinging is not for everyone.
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hidden - login Alberta - Bi Couple

There's no way about it, make it one of your rules that you NEVER play twice with the same people and stick to it. If at some point you decide to change that rule than discuss it together.
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this lifestyle not for everyone.... talk more about it and don't push him you can make your 4 years go down the drain fast. so be easy and let him know that sex is just sex and love is something totally diff... and once he understands it then maybe he will open up a lil more and you both can have fun.... don't play with out him if you love him wait for him to be on board ....that is just my thoughts and i do wish you nothing but the best of luck and we hope you get to try everything you want with him and you both have fun ...
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hidden - login Alberta - Straight Couple

Go to Vegas and have an experience. No worry about feelings developing or discretion. Do as little as watch or full out play.
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ok from our point of view no one should be pushed into this but if a couple is strong enough in their own relationship and is fully aware of each others needs in a relationship. Then the vows to each other should be strong enough to hold, we expressed to each other that no matter what no one will part us and we are a couple (team) in it together out together. It took us a couple months of discussing it before we finally agreed we would try this lifestyle ( and it has been awesome ) some ideas - try sex in front of others first - start out with soft swap rubbing touching kissing do not be over aggressive - dancing conversations. Then go home with your partner and talk about how you both felt and how hot it was :) and then maybe next time go a little further and or come to agreements - Don't let it become your life just have fun with it and trust us it will be fun maybe not always but most always - have a plan:)
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I think that most men go thru this type of insecurity. Your best bet would be for him to talk to someone who has gone thru this and discuss happened.
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let him know,tell him what you said in your comment,get him 2 women, be good to him, he will in return
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Sometimes a swing club or party makes it easier...even if it's just to go watch some action TOGETHER lol. The key term is "together." Until you can play great together, solo dates shouldn't even be on the menu right off. Different strokes and all that...Frankly, you have to want to see your significant other with another person sexually and whether it's pleasing or being pleased. My relationship with my wife is mostly playing separate. She practically jumps out of her skin with excitement when I get a play date set. She likes to hear all about it and gets charged by the thought that someone is lusting after me. Then again, we have that trust. That trust that she and I are always commin home to one another and not gonna betray anything or fall for anyone else. We feel that we are like a good wine that you'd share with good friends...kind of like that moment "you have to try this...he/she is amazing!" Hope that helps some.
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hidden - login Florida - Straight Man

Its takes a man longer to accept it.He dont want to see another man touching his woman,his love.If he has not accepting that you would like to try this he will not do it.When I was in a relationship I started with another female first.This helps her to feel confortable in his case help him to feel confortable.Once that have being extablish you can try another male in the picture but of course they will have to be straight also.you cant push the isssue to much with him
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U m
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I'm the one (wife) who wants to jump in. Hubby hesitant so very interested in comments.
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What kind of fantacy do you have in miind?
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hope i help u. send me private message. hope i give u good idea to manage him
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i try to think of sex as normal and needed andno strings just pleasure and most dont. just last week i saw someone close playing with herself and a close relative was there so i naturaly lifted her skirt pulled her panties aside and me n my lil .....watched her daughter finger fuck herself and it was awsomewe try to be open and when something is good ok but if not no way so see how your man likes you pulling your pussy out and having fun ill bet he will be like me now hard and going to get off wish you were watching
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also feel free to share with me or ask more i love to tell k please lolim leaking cum on these thongs from my friends wife i took and want them to see
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We started out, just exposing ourselves to other people having sex, at a place and we just watched...it was very hot! The next time we did the message thing where another male was helping...it was even hotter! Yea I had to push back the discomfort of having another man touching my wife, but after witnessing how turned on she was with it! It made me more excited! Then after that we were both all in!
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hidden - login Saskatchewan - Couple With Bi Female

Hey there. I/we haven't been online in a while. We have been swingers for quite some time now and love every second of it. My husband and I always try and keep our lines of communication open and tell each other. There was a couple concerns in the beginning but they have just blown over and its all good.
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hidden - login British Columbia - Bi Couple

we have been married over 30 years and in the lifestyle as many ,,over the years we have and most people will develop an emotional attachment to people we play with , but the bottom line is in this lifestyle the majority of people involved are looking for friends with benefits ,which included in the friend portion is an emotional involvement , recognize it for what it is and !!!!!!!!!!talk to each other always !!!!!!! what you do at home alone is make love to your spouse ,,,, what you do with friends is have fun recreational sex !!! and for us no one takes one for the team we are both into the couple or who ever or we don't play .. really hope a little insight helps enjoy it its about fun sex not stress
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hidden - login Angeles - Straight Couple

We had that same concern. There was an agreement we have reached to address specifically the problem of developing unwanted emotions for those you play with. The agreement was first, the other chooses the guy or girl that we will play with. So I choose if we will play with a girl ans he chooses if we play with a guy. Then the second part of the agreement was no playmate gets more than two playtimes. After a second one if any, the playmate is totally scratched off from any list past, present or future. It is difficult to continuously looking for playmates but it also adds to the thrill.
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